Bar exam advice

I can't believe it has already been a year since I took the bar. Time sure flies when you have a baby...

Right now (this very minute), dozens of my law school friends are frantically squeezing in their last few days of bar prep. They are stress-eating and pounding caffeine, poring over outlines, reviewing essays and taking practice MBEs, hoping that they have "done enough." They are having test-anxiety nightmares, afraid that they will forget everything that they have learned in the past two months as soon as they sit down and open the first page of the exam. Like hundreds of other law students across the country, they are questioning their intelligence, their decision to attend law school, and their sanity.


For all of these students, I have this advice:*


-People will tell you to relax. This is impossible. If you try to relax, you will feel guilty that you aren't studying because you know that other people out there are studying. If you try to relax, you will start to make lists in your head of all the things you still don't know well enough to write an essay about. This will stress you out even more. Don't relax. 


-For each topic, make sure you have a sense of the big picture. There is no possible way for you to fit every rule, every element, every factor into your brain. If you work on the micro-details of one subject, your brain will jettison important information about other subjects to make room. What matters is the big picture. For each topic, make sure you know the broad strokes - things that will appear in an essay on that topic, no matter what the subject is (e.g. intent in a Criminal Law question or negligence in a Torts question). From there, you can add the rules and details, but the big stuff is the most important. 


-Remember, it is impossible to address every issue in an essay. The test is intentionally written so that you can't get "all" the points. One hour is way too short. It's more important for you to identify the big stuff and write about what you know. Don't worry about leaving things out, because you inevitably will. This is normal.


-Remember that you can bomb one section and still pass the test. First off, when people say they "bombed" part of the test, generally speaking they just wish there were things they had done better. Even if your mind goes blank, you can still piece together some intelligible drivel about some aspect of the question that remotely deals with the area of law that you think is being tested. It's what you have practiced doing for the past three years. Regardless, remember that the test is cumulative. If you don't do as well on one section, but do well on another, you won't necessarily fail. What matters is not letting a sub-par performance in one section bring you down mentally or emotionally on the next. If you don't do as well on one part, pour your energy into the next part to make up for it.


-Finally, leave it on the field. People always used to say this when I played high school sports, and I have found it to be helpful advice regarding the bar exam as well. Put everything you have into the test, but when it's over, let it be over. As soon as you leave the exam, you will think of an issue on an essay that you missed. You will finally remember that random rule for that MBE question. You will realize that you left off a heading in your performance test, or that you forgot to run spell check on your last essay. No one comes out of the exam thinking that they aced it. The worst thing you can do to yourself is spend the four months after the exam beating yourself up over things you cannot change. If possible, you must immediately forget everything on the test, and everything that you wrote. Trust me, it's better that way.


In these last few days, there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will make you feel like you are fully prepared. Just remember that in a few days it will all be over, and you can return to real life again - you can get back on Facebook, watch television, spend time with friends, go out for drinks... and not feel guilty that you aren't studying. Hopefully that, if nothing else, will get you through the next few days. No matter what, GOOD LUCK!

*Disclaimer (of course there is a disclaimer): This advice is based purely on my own experience and in no way constitutes a promise that following this advice will ensure that you pass the bar, or even that you will feel better about taking it. Mostly this is just for peace of mind.

Interviews

Job interviews are always a difficult balancing act. You have to seem eager but not desperate. Energetic but not frenetic. Friendly but not prying. Intelligent but not know-it-all. Confident but not obnoxious. Relaxed but not unprofessional. All of this while trying to look comfortable in a suit and sensible heels.

Although I have been working in my at-home job for a startup company, I have still been looking for legal work, which has led to a series of job interviews. I have found that being a parent presents a new set of balancing in the job interview process. My resume, which was extremely strong in law school, has a  six-month gap post-graduation. I know that in the current economy, which NPR constantly reminds me is very bleak for lawyers, a post-graduation employment gap is not unheard of, yet I still am painfully aware of the gap when I go in to interviews.

I struggled mentally over whether to bring up my child in the interviews. Having a baby is a perfectly honest and reasonable explanation for why I did not work for six months. In fact, it is a point of pride for me that I took the bar at eight months pregnant, and passed on the first try. I could use this as an opportunity to demonstrate my tenacity, my commitment, and my willingness to compromise personal comfort and sanity in the pursuit of a goal. Being a parent also comes with daily tests of patience, problem-solving abilities, and teamwork.

Legally, I know the interviewer cannot ask me about my parental status. Being a parent should not make a difference in their decision of whether I am a suitable future employee. However, I know that if I bring up the fact that I have a ten-month-old baby at home, it will raise a series of unspoken questions: Will this employee have to leave work to pick up a sick child from daycare? Will her work product struggle if she is up all night with a fussy, teething baby? Will she have to pump at work? Will she have another baby and have to take maternity leave in the foreseeable future? Again, none of these questions should have any effect on the decision that is made, but in the back of my mind I wonder whether it does. For better or for worse, the legal field is still somewhat behind the times and is still not as family-friendly as other professions. If I am compared to another comparable candidate, male or female, who is not a parent, will my status make a difference?

It's a tough question. In the past few weeks, I have had interviews where I mentioned my son, and other interviews where I haven't. In both cases, I left the interview questioning my decision - I was faced with instant regret either way. Either I regretted talking about my son and discussing matters outside of my resume and qualifications, or I regretted not talking about him and missing an opportunity to "explain the gap."

Perhaps the answer is that I am over-thinking the matter. As an interviewee, it is my job to convince the interviewer that I am objectively the best candidate. Period.

Balance

Wow. Working at home and staying at home with the baby is tough! Essentially, I feel like I am working two forty-hour-a-week jobs simultaneously. Over the past month, I have been working on finding a good balance between being a good mother and homemaker, and being professional and responsible in my job. It's definitely not easy.

For example - during my over-the-phone first-day-of-work orientation, I both changed a dirty diaper and nursed my baby boy, all while receiving instructions from my brand new bosses. Once I was given assignments, I learned that I get my best work done while my son is napping, or after his bed time. When he is awake, I can do small amounts of work, but it is much less efficient because I am busy being a good mom. I make sure that I play with my boy and keep him engaged, feed him and change him, hold him when he cries, and sing him silly songs to make him laugh.

At first, it was incredibly difficult to do. There would be days when I would get a lot of work done, but felt guilty that I had not paid enough attention to my son. On other days, I was great with the baby, but I didn't do as well at my job as I would have liked. On most days, I went to sleep feeling guilty that the sink was filled with dirty dishes, that laundry hadn't been done, that the house wasn't vacuumed, or that the dog didn't get a walk. I felt like a failure.

Little by little it got better. As I became comfortable with my job, I became more efficient and was able to get more work done in less time. As my son got older, it became easier to play with him and entertain him and he became less demanding. (Side note: when he started crawling, things got tricky all over again! It's really tough to type and chase a kiddo across the carpet at the same time). I definitely still feel overwhelmed at times, and certainly go to sleep some nights without doing everything I needed to do. However, I don't feel like a failure any more.

I know this isn't permanent. I am still looking for other opportunities, and I do want to get a job outside the house, using my law degree. But this works for now.

Job Update

I thought it over, and I ended up taking the non-law job. I am a huge proponent of pro-con lists, and the "pro" list outweighed the "cons". Simple balancing. Hopefully I made the right choice...

Though this made me wonder what the "right" choice is? If my goal is to make oodles of money as a successful attorney, well then this might not have been the right choice. If my goal is to be a supportive wife and mother, then working from home is likely the right choice. At least for now. It's interesting how the "rightness" of a decision is completely relative and dependent on the context of the situation.

I also was comforted by the thought that this decision is not "make or break." I know that I can always take a different job and resurrect/launch my legal career at a later time. Moreover (and I know it's trite), but I know that my little boy won't be little forever, so I should enjoy the time that I have with him right now. [I swore I would never say stuff like this before I had a baby, but I suppose I have turned to the dark side...]

Anyway, I hope that I'm able to balance working at home and child care at home. More to come soon. I start work on Wednesday.

To work or not to work?

So I have been out of commission for the past few weeks, but for a good reason. I have been offered a job as an editor for a startup company. It is certainly nice to have the offer, particularly in this economic climate, but now I am torn.

Cons:

-The job is not remotely in the field of law

-It pays a lot less than a law job would pay me

-Risks associated with work at a startup company (various)

Pros:

-I haven’t received any calls about law jobs, despite the resumes I have been sending around

-Some money is better than no money

-The job will allow me to work from home for a period of time

-(on a related note) The baby refuses to take a bottle right now, making the idea of daycare difficult

-This would fill the resume gap

Based on these considerations and conversations with my husband, I’m leaning towards accepting the job… My main misgiving is that by taking this non-law job, I am hurting my chances of getting a law-related job in the future. I know that many of my fellow graduates are still searching for jobs, so I’m definitely grateful to have a job opportunity at all.

Mostly, I wish that making adult decisions wasn’t so tricky. And that the job market was better. But mostly the thing about decisions.

Wonder

We recently took the little munchkin on his first trip out of state, to visit his grandparents and great-grandparents. Before we left, my mother called me, concerned that she didn’t have the plethora of toys, books, bouncers, play mats, and other assorted baby-entertainment items that we use on a daily basis. She was worried that while we stayed at her house, the baby would have nothing to play with.

I assured her that this was not a problem. Right now, everything in the world is new and exciting to my baby boy. He is fascinated by bright lights, color contrast, and anything that makes noise. This means that on most days, the lamp in the playroom is more interesting to him than I am. And if there is sun shining in through a window, I have pretty stiff competition for my son’s attention. He is so bright-eyed and alert, taking in colors and shapes and activities in the room that I don’t notice because I have seen them hundreds of times and they have become painfully banal.

This made me think about routine. I definitely consider myself a creature of habit. I love having a predictable daily schedule and planning my weeks in advance. It would take about a month before I grew tired of eating the same thing for lunch every day. Though dull, I generally don’t consider this a bad thing. However, I realized that in my complacent day-to-day routine, I have stopped seeing the wonder in the world. I’m not sure when this happened exactly. Somewhere between the ages of six and twenty-six, I started looking at the world as an adult. I rarely hear a new word, or see a new object, or do a new activity. I look at the same furniture in the same rooms, the same trees and cars outside, the same faces, without actually seeing them. My brain knows what is there, and it skips on to the next thought.

A few years ago, the Washington Post published an article on a social experiment, wherein a world-class violinist played Beethoven on a three million dollar violin in a Metro station in Washington DC. The busy adult commuters hearing the music generally breezed past him, with only a few people stopping briefly to listen. However, most of the children who passed dragged their feet and turned their heads, straining to hear the violin music as their schedule-driven parents tugged them along. The adults hurried past, hearing without hearing the amazing beauty in front of them. I would like to think I would recognize such an amazing talent and performance if I heard it on the street, but more likely I would be one of the adults scurrying along, oblivious.

Thus, it was wonderful to take my baby to my hometown, and watch him experience my home state for the first time. He was too young to understand what he was seeing, but he did know that everything was fresh and exciting and new. This time, I tried to stop and appreciate my home, my parents, my city, my friends, just as my son did. I listened to the music, I tasted the foods, I walked around my old neighborhood, really experiencing each without permitting my task-master brain to rush on to the next obligation or concern. It wasn’t easy.

It’s tough to detach from the day-to-day requirements of adulthood, but every once in a while, it is good to hit pause and look around with fresh eyes and appreciate the wonder.

Rejection

One of the biggest challenges I face during unemployment is the constant rejection. The media (both social and otherwise) provide almost weekly reminders that there are few jobs available in the legal field. The number of law school students and graduates is increasing, yet the number of available jobs is decreasing, both due in part to the difficult economic climate. People who have no jobs and want more money are taking out loans and going to school, hoping that by the time they graduate, jobs will be available. End result: the job market is flooded with brand new lawyers who have mountains of debt but cannot find a job. Effect: rejection.

I have (unfortunately) found this to be all too true. I send out several resumes a day and am called to interview maybe once every two to three weeks. I took the bar in July, passed it in November, and have still been unable to land any paid legal work. I have many friends in the same position who have approached this problem in a number of ways. Several of them have hung a shingle and are starting their own law firms. Several are patching together part-time and contract work until they can land something permanent. Some are doing volunteer and pro bono work, hoping to create a network that will lead to paid employment. Many have returned to school, hoping (again) to put off the job search until the market is better. Personally, I have used this time as an extended “maternity leave.” Giving birth and raising a child is a viable explanation for a resume gap (to some extent).

I write this post not to complain, but simply to make observations about rejection. Part of the difficulty my colleagues and I face is that we have largely never faced rejection before. Law schools for the most part are filled with the top performers at the top schools from around the country. These students took the hardest classes in high school, earned top grades in college, aced their LSATs, and beat out hundreds of other candidates for positions in their law school classes. Most of them have never failed a class, have never been told they cannot do something, and have never been rejected (at least professionally) in their lives. Suddenly, these academic superstars are being told over and over again that they do not fit the requirements of the position, or that a better candidate has been found, or (worst of all) are not receiving any answer whatsoever.

This can be soul crushing for those uninitiated in the art of handling rejection. I certainly had a tough time dealing emotionally with this. I did everything I was supposed to do during law school – joined the clubs, earned the grades, learned the law… and none of it seems to be good enough for the few employers who do claim to hire recent bar passers. At first it hurt. I wondered what I did wrong. Tweaked my resume and cover letter. Began to question my career path. Started to doubt myself and my abilities.

However, self-doubt and negativity will not get me hired. All I can do is improve my resume, continue searching for work, improve my network, and (depending on schedule) begin working on pro bono or contract work until full-time opportunities present themselves. Instead of obsessing about my inability to land a job, I should be focusing on the positive aspects of my life: I was fortunate enough to pass the bar on my first try. My husband is able to support our family financially during this period of my unemployment. I am blessed to spend precious time with my son during his formative years – time that I know I will appreciate later on when he is not a baby and doesn’t need me like he does now. And on a fundamental level, I have food, clean water, a place to sleep, my health, and a wealth of loving and supportive friends and family.

It is so easy to get caught up in a spiral of self-doubt triggered by rejection, causing a complete loss of perspective. I believe that with an attitude shift, changing nothing else, I will be able to weather this flood of rejections, staying focused on the positive, and hopefully will come out the other side with a job and a renewed sense of self-worth. Until then, I continue the search and hope for the best.